Trust Is An Aphrodisiac: How To Read A Woman’s Sexual Cues and Honor Her Boundaries In The Bedroom


Trust is an Aphrodisiac by www.ScarletAmor.comIt is crucial to respect a woman’s boundaries in the bedroom. 

It doesn’t matter if she is your wife of 20 years, or you are on a flirtatious first date…. NO means NO. Even if it was a YES a moment ago.

So there you are in the bedroom. You two are plowing forward, clothes scattered on the floor, wet kisses on every body crevice…. then out of the blue she tenses up and says, “Wait, stop, slow down!”

WTF? Your boner received the command: “Full Steam Ahead!”, but suddenly there are alarms ringing a warning bell that there is a dangerous iceberg ahead… and you didn’t hear it.

In the heat of passion, it may be challenging for a man to bring is brain back into his heart and notice her subtle cues. All his presence is usually in his cock (which tends to have a mind of its own). 

She was all “YES” a moment ago, so that is a permission slip to have your way with her, right?

Absolutely NOT!

Listen to her cues. A verbal “NO” should be obvious, but also pay attention to her body language, her emotional energy, her tone of voice.

If she pushes your wandering hand away, cringes from your forceful kiss, pulls her panties back on and whispers “NO” in your ear… RESPECT and PULL BACK!

If she is suddenly resisting and fighting against your advances, physically pushes your hands/tongue/cock away, and you can feel her muscles tensing up (even though a minute ago she was puddy in your hands)… NO means NO!

If she asks you to stop, to slow down, to wait a minute, no matter how sweet and seductive her words may sound… NO means not now!

If you don’t read her subtle clues early on and keep pushing her past her comfort zone, she will eventually have to call upon her inner fierceness, stand her ground, switch over into her masculine energy, jump out of bed and scream at you: “Fucking STOP! I said NO! I’ve had enough!”

Immediate sex buzz kill. Game over. No more shag time for you, buddy! She’s hurt and angry now. You broke trust. You disrespected and violated her personal boundaries. Suddenly, you are a jerk. You were not LISTENING.

Trust is an Aphrodisiac by

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Instead you should honor her tiniest resistance from the get go, check in with her, and ask PERMISSION to proceed. (Yes, even with your wife.)

It will build TRUST and she will most likely open again when SHE is ready.

Do not underestimate the collateral damaged caused by pushing her over and over again against her NO’s in such a vulnerable lovemaking situation. 

SELF-CONTROL is super sexy!

Listen up guys: The absolute WORST thing you could do in that moment is say, “But hey baby, can I at least CUM first?” while waving your raging boner in her face.


Honoring her strong NO (even if it was a YES a moment ago) is WAY more important than a man’s need to ejaculate. A man’s erection is NOT a negotiation tool. Your need to ejaculate is NOT her responsibility.

LISTEN to her words, her body, her energy and emotions. Put the lingham sword away before you poke her heart out with it. No means NO. Thank you!

You will get so much more out of it in the long run (ie: your own sexual needs met) if you RESPECT her ever-changing discomforts and pleasures. 

TRUST is an aphrodisiac. 


Scarlet Amor

P.S. LADIES, it is your responsibility to SPEAK UP and draw strong boundaries with your lover in the heat of passion.

Create a SAFE WORD for the bedroom that your lover will understand. Have a gentle discussion when you are both sober, awake and NOT in the bedroom about how to clue him in on when he’s overstepped your boundaries. Explain how you feel when he pushes them, describe his actions and your reactions in detail so he understands exactly what you are referring to, and then express your desires and needs with love.

Remember, he is also facing major rejection issues when you say NO, so have compassion.


  • Garrett

    Men. Start OMing.

    Seriously. Do it. It will teach you how to deeply connect with women, and teach you how to Safeport a woman. And trust me… safeporting (telling her what you’re going to do / also asking her if it’s fine to do something) allows her to lower her vigilance center and to trust you. If she’s wondering what the heck you’re about to do… her guard will be up. If you’ve said what you’re going to do, and she gives you the thumbs-up or thumbs-down, and you respect that… it earns a lot of trust with her.

    • Bravo Garrett!!! Thank you for sharing, this is a great technique to help men learn how to hold space for women’s sexual awakening in a safe and consensual way.

      • Garrett

        You are most welcome, Scarlet :-) Men learn so much through OM! It really is a groat technique for that. More men need to learn it, so they can help women feel safe in the bedroom (and in life). The safeports are really powerful for both partners. :-)