FBSM “Phone Etiquette” How to Book a Sensual Massage like a Proper Gentleman

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Do you know the 8 Rules for Booking a Sensual Massage? You would think most men would know how to pick up the phone and politely book a FBSM appointment as he would with his doctor or therapist. Professionally. But for some reason in the Erotic Arts world some guys take this simple phone call as an opportunity to be slimy creeps on the tele and ask inappropriate questions. Watch the video and learn.

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A perfect client would say something like this:

“Hi Scarlet, this is John Jones, MD, from Jones and Associates here in Hollywood. I saw you ad on this weeks listing of LA Weekly. I’d like to book a two hour tantra massage session tomorrow at 2pm, or whenever is convenient for your schedule. Here is my LinkedIn profile along with a name and phone number of a local provider who can vouch for me. Also, here is my Redbook handle. I am looking forward to (quote my ad text verbatim) and giving you a raving five star review after our session. Do you like wine and roses? Just checking to see if it is appropriate to bring you a gift. Thank you so much for your time.”

A fantasy, really.

Unfortunately, most calls go like this:

Me: “Hello?”
Him: (heavy breathing….) “Uh, hi. Who’s this.”
Me: “You called me, sir.”
Him: “Uh, yeah. I’m calling about the ad.”
Me: “Wonderful. Where did you see it listed?”
Him: “Uh, on the internet. Your photo is really hot.” (his breathing gets heavier)
Me: “Are you calling to book a session?”
Him: “Can I come right now?” (grunting, probably choking the chicken)
Me: “What is your name, sir?”
Him: “Uh…..Bob.”
Me: “And what type of session are you interested in, Bob?”
Him: “Uhhhh, I dunno. Can you tell me what you do?”

It goes on like this for ten minutes. No guarantee that he will actually book. Or show up. He obviously did not read the advertisement or he wouldn’t ask the loaded question: “What do you do?”

If I can get past the “what do you do in session” and “how many releases do I get” and “do you do extras” and “will you wear that sexy black lace thing I see (OMG I think I am about to come) in your photos” and “do you shave cause I like hairy girls” and “can you do fifteen minute massages” and “if I bring my toy will you fuck me in the ass” and all kinds of other bullshit I get on a daily basis and he actually BOOKS the session, verified, with a legitimate name, business URL and phone number, well, then we are in business.

Don’t get me wrong. There are some civilized gentlemen out there that know how to call a provider and book a session with her like any other massage therapist. They dot their “I’s” and cross their “T’s” and are very gentlemanly over the phone. These are my super star John’s. My knights in shining armor. These are the guys that wrote the book on “Phone Etiquette” for sensual massage and licked the edges to turn it gold.

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The rules are pretty simple:

1. ALWAYS READ THE AD BEFORE YOU CALL.

Straight up, number one rule, that so many men miss, is READ THE F’N AD. Follow the links if she has them. Check out her reviews. Stop staring at her ass. Read the content! These girls put a lot of work into the copy. Remember her name when you call. If you really want to be charming, somehow slip some of the text from her ad into your conversation. “I look forward to receiving some of your ‘ravishing delights’ this evening, Miss Scarlet.” Like sugar sprinkled on top of the cherry, baby.

2. DO YOUR RESEARCH.

Most likely her ad is in code filled in with a bunch of gibberish poetic fluff that never gets to the point. Use your private investigator skills and dig deeper. Is it listed under “Escorts” or “Bodyrubs” or “Tantra” or “BDSM”? Does it say “No FS or mutual”? Any mention of “Prostate” or “Goddess Worship” or “FBSM ++”. Get on google and break the code. Know what you are getting into BEFORE you call.

3. DON’T ASK QUESTIONS.

Once you get on the phone all you do is politely BOOK THE SESSION. Don’t ask risque, crude, demanding or revealing questions. Due to legalities, if she is SMART, she won’t answer them. This is a good sign. Sure, ask her about the weather or if she had a good holiday, this is YOUR chance to vibe her out too, but never get too personal. Be professional, kind and sweet. Oh, and guess what, don’t ask her anything once you arrive at her place either. Just give her your biggest smile, slip those greenbacks onto her altar, and let her take the lead.

4. SCHEDULE IN ADVANCE.

What, you thought that if you called at 12:34am after getting out of the bar that she is waiting in her healing sanctuary, fully shaved and showered, dressed in lingerie and nibbling on strawberries waiting for your beckon call? Dakini’s have lives too, bro. I know the horny hits ya at a certain hour and you finally get the nerve to call her, but give her at least a few hours notice, buddy. Even better, a day. And for Christ’s sake, LEAVE A MESSAGE on her voicemail. Stop being a pussy. Book in advance.

5. SCREENING.

Some girls will just go off your vibe on the phone (so be nice!). Others will ask for your full name and double check your ID when you arrive. Some require full on work verification, websites, LinkedIn and Facebook profiles along with photo ID, business card and DNA sample. Or she may ask for another provider’s name and number who can verify your good standing, although that may take days. Just say yes. It is HIGHLY unlikely that SHE is a cop OR will call your wife. TRUST. If you see her a second time, you will never have to go through the grilling screening process again.

6. NEVER BARGAIN.

80% of the time her price is listed on her ad. If you’ve read it over thrice and still don’t see a requested quantity, or “roses”, then you may kindly ask her the fee for her services over the phone. NO, sex workers do NOT take credit cards or personal checks, stupid. Go to the ATM ahead of time and take out extra for a tip. NEVER try to talk her down once you arrive. In fact, never mention the money at all. Just drop it on the altar. Girls always remember big tippers. They black list bargainers and cheap skates.

7. BE A GENTLEMAN.

Kind. Considerate. Thoughtful. Polite. Relaxed. Confident. Suave. Complimentary. Generous. Peaceful. Nurturing. Charismatic. Charming. Calm. Presumingly Handsome. Dapper. Clean Shaven. With your boxer shorts freshly pressed and pocket watch wound upon arrival. Be a gentleman. Please, for the sake of Yum, DO NOT be a douche bag.

8. NO EXPECTATIONS.

Even if you’ve “done this sort of thing before”, never make assumptions or come into the conversation with heavy expectations. Every girl is different. She may use the same lingo as one girl but offer something totally different. She may be even more smoking hot than her photos in person, or (dear lord I hope this never happens to you) an old hag that stole her sixteen year olds sexting shots to put up on her ad. She may say Tantra on the phone but never even mention it during session, or give you a regular sensual massage that took you beyond the fifteen years you sat in ashram. Expect nothing and you will come out ahead.

——>

So be one of those John’s that leaves a smile on her face after you hang up the phone. Be the one that she rushes out to buy new underwear and incense before you arrive. Be the guy that she recommends to her girlfriends. Be that knight in shining armor, on the phone AND in session. And I bet if you started treating EVERYONE this way you will eventually be the King of the World.

xox ~Miss Scarlet
http://www.scarletamor.com

www.FBSM-Etiquette.com

P.S. Click here for your FREE DOWNLOAD of “The Top Ten Questions Every Gentleman Should Ask About How To Score A High Class Sensual Massage” to share with your clients!

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  • http://disseminatedthought.wordpress.com disseminatedthought

    “Uh, on the internet. Your photo is really hot.”

    That’s the most witty and endearing thing he could come up with? Let this be a lesson that living in a relative’s basement and playing Modern Warfare 3 for 9 hours a day is not good for your social interaction skills.

  • Venus sage

    Fucking brilliant Scarlet! Thank you for telling it as is! Yes yes more more THANK YOU

  • http://www.ahintofleather.com Mistress Montaine

    Very clever.
    Loved it.

  • http://www.tantrapure.com stevi

    So perfectly timely Scarlett. Thank you – I have spent the past 2 days experiencing those men who really need to know this etiquette. 138 callers -50% acted exactly as you have described. Bless em.

  • http://twitter.com/AntoniaB2B Antonia Santorini

    Hi.Found your blog a few days ago and started reading it,nicely written and love the witty language:) I am an erotic masseuse living and working in Paris,and know exactly what you are talking about in this post.The only difference is I think that over here we don’t really expect a guy to provide that much info about himself( web profiles or even to verify with other providers).Me personally I don’t do incalls,but if I did,this would be too much to ask I think.I usually go by the screening over the phone or emails that I get and usually if the phrase “I can’t see your tits good in pics,are they big?” comes up,that is a lost cause.But the clients that are men enough to appreciate the touch and the full experience of the massage,are usually the ones that are left with big smiles on their faces!
    Regards from Paris

    • http://scarletamor.com/ Scarlet Amor

      The legalities and protocols are a bit different here in the States, so we need to have an extra level of screening and verification to keep the ladies safe. Sending love to PARIS!

    • Olive

      Why would incalls be too much to ask?

  • Madeline Courtier

    That phone conversation.. ..Girl you had us rollin’!! I remember when that use to happen. I read this to my girlfriend who is also a sensual bodyrub receptionist. We would swear up and down some guys would just call using it as “free sex talk”. All I could think is, “Listen buddy, if you’re gonna keep this up send $3.99 a minute through paypal.” Everything you said is exactly how I feel but can’t say…. And wish i could just say!! Sometimes you wonder if its you, if your crazy or impatient. Me and My girlfriend talk all the time about that stuff and we always wonder is it just us? Maybe we have lost our patience or our expectations of the general (sensual bodyrub) public is not congruent with reality. It really comes down to the person and usually if they are that retarded the it is a red flag that they are going to be a problem when they come in because obviously they don’t know how to act and/or socially retarded to a point where dealing with them is not even worth the “bizarro” experience for the girl. Then we feel bad that we even booked the idiot that caused them to have an experience they’re unhappy about that discourages them from being their best for the next. i very much enjoyed your works, beautifully done. You’ve got two new fans!!! Thanks for the giggles, that was awesome!!

  • Pingback: NY Sensual Massage Etiquette. Proper Behavior * | Best BodyRub & Nuru in Midtown Manhattan NY

  • foo

    My only note would be – you do understand that there will always be guys for whom it will be their first time making this sort of arrangement, right? They DON’T know “the drill”, they WON’T have “references from other providers” and they may have no idea what to expect so they are going to want to ask questions.

    • http://scarletamor.com/ Scarlet Amor

      Absolutely, I agree “Foo”! (Which I why I am educating people online so there is a resource for this kind of info.)

      But there is a fine line between POLITE IGNORANCE and RUDE INSISTENCE. If a new caller is respectful and genuine, then the girls can guide them through the hoops. Unfortunately ALOT of newbies are super rude, therefore the girls have to keep on their toes to protect themselves.

      Most people would be appalled if they heard the kind of crap these ladies have to weed through on a daily basis on the phone, which is why they are SO HAPPY when a true gentleman rings to book an appointment with kindness and professionalism.