Infidelity REALLY Sucks: How Illicit Affairs Can Destroy Friendships and Community


1075708_537376369715007_1363528662_nInfidelity not only destroys relationships, it can destroy friendships and community.

If a couple lied and cheated in order to have an affair, they most likely will continue to LIE to the community about the affair to save face. No one wants to come out of the closet with the mortal sin of adultery, especially if it was an ongoing affair and caused the innocent party great harm and heartbreak.

Cheaters are excellent liars, and yes they will lie to their mutual friends to water things down to make it look like it was the other person’s fault. They may even spread rumors and lies about the victim to turn the community against the innocent and encourage mutual friends to take sides in order to support and celebrate the cheating couple and their new relationship!!!

Here are some clues that you are getting coerced into supporting an illicit affair:


In the heat of illicit passion, it can be easy to slip and commit adultery. If it is not addressed right away, no matter how much it may hurt, and the affair becomes an ongoing lie – that is where the backstabbing adultery can turn into destructive sociopathy.

If you fall for the deception of the lying party, you only condone the cheaters to keep living in lies and the destructive behavior will continue to eat away at the community.

The best thing a cheater can do is to speak the truth as soon as possible to clean things up, ask for community mediation if needed, and free the innocent from this ugly and sticky web.

Read Part One: Infidelity Sucks: The Difference Between a One Time Cheater and a Sociopath


If you, the community member, are getting coerced into the lies of the cheating couple, pay attention to these common half-truths and candy-coated lies:

“Oh, he seduced me and I couldn’t resist!”
“We fell in love, one cannot deny true love!”
“We only just snuggled!”
“It only happened once!”
“I thought they had an open relationship?”
“She was never around to take care of his needs!”
“(The Innocent) lied about X,Y,Z!”
“They were already talking about breaking up soon!”
“We were only just flirting!”
“He lied to me and said it was okay (now I am the victim)!”
“I didn’t know she was so attached to that relationship?”
“Blah de fucking blah blah!”

10155675_539304709522173_1042516387_nWe all make mistakes. There can be space for forgiveness and resolution when all parties take responsibility for their actions, make efforts to clean up the mess, and offer honest and heart worthy amends to the wounded. Therapy, mediation, and community support MAY heal the wound… eventually.

But when it becomes an ongoing affair without accountability – on top of slandering the innocent party to save face – this simply should NOT be acceptable by the community.

Do not underestimate the damage caused by affairs and lies. The psychological effects run deep and take a long time to heal, especially if the community takes sides and believes in the lies of the cheating couple… while pushing the innocent out on the street, alone with their heartbreak and no community support.

Still healing your heart after a horrible breakup? Check out my Soulmate Breakup Guide!

If you had the capacity to consciously cheat, then grow some fucking balls and fess up immediately and own it.

10258086_547952601990717_9179527915042867814_nDon’t turn the victim into the martyr to save your pride, even if there were problems in the original relationship. The innocent was most likely staying in integrity, honoring their commitment to the (broken) relationship, and was trying to work it out peacefully.

So next time you are caught up in a community drama regarding a deceptive love triangle… what would YOU do as a “conscious community” member to help bring positive resolution?

Consider this: if you are coupled in a conscious relationship and witness this destructive force happen to some of your friends, perhaps YOU can serve as community mediators and be role models of what integrity looks like?

As a bonus: ask the innocent party out on a friend date with you, provide loving support, open their eyes to the possibility of healing their heart, and let them know that their community still has their back!

(Yes, even if you still remain friends with the cheating couple – don’t diss your heartbroken friend!)

P.S. Are you a conscious woman who is caught up in a love triangle? I offer online coaching and support! Consider my email coaching offer or sign up for a Skype session with me and let’s work it out: