The Fuzzy Line Between Festival Sex and Festival Rape

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6556541021_4faaa05418_o1You are tripping balls at the main stage on Saturday night at Lightning in a Bottle. In the chaos of the hippie mosh pit you lose your pod of friends and are left alone in your post dubstep bass break bliss when all of a sudden you see her… the Burner Bunny Goddess of your dreams!

She catches your eye and invites you into her space to dance and swirl without exchanging words. You can’t tell if that is a bindi sticker on her forehead or if her third eye is really sparkling that bright. Now you are grinding and dry humping on the dance floor and you can no longer hide that rise in your pants. Seductively she whispers into your ear, “Let’s go back to my camp?” And you are thinking… SCORE!

One thing leads to another and you are naked in her tent about to have sex, yet after all that play she turns cold when you pull out a condom and she tells you to stop, no, she isn’t that kind of girl. What should you do next?

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There is a fuzzy line between mutually consensual festival sex with a stranger where both parties are 100% on board with the hook up, and the awkward situation where you are both so fucked up on drugs and pseudo-pleasure that boundaries get pushed and your intimate situation unknowingly amps up into sexual assault.

Reports are coming out of the closet in the so called “Transformational Festival Community” around inappropriate activity happening in snuggle puddles and late night tent romps. Young women take up an offer for a relaxing private massage from a Shaman Hipster Dude, when all of a sudden the guys dick is inside of her. Or a girl’s party drink gets ruffied and she wakes up finding herself being fucked behind the porta potties. Most women don’t report it in the moment, but they are no longer remaining silent as stories of festival rape are popping up on social media.

fef289f473b9da8fad92f8b4f660451dThis is a community issue that must be addressed before this tricky situation gets out of hand. When you are fucked up on drugs it becomes much more difficult to discuss consent and boundaries before you get sexual with your festival crush. It is our responsibility as a community to open up conversation around the difference between festival sex and festival rape, and what we can do to prevent the later.

Note: I pose this article based on a heterosexual scenario where the perpetrator is a male and the victim is a female, primarily because this is the most common combination reported, and it fits my own personal experiences. But this dynamic can also occur with same sex couples, often between two men where one sexually violates the other, and in rare cases where women have sexually violated men, so take everything into consideration regarding gender in this conversation.


Couples, Tips on How to Create Consensual Festival Sex:

urlheart  “Festival Sex… It’s In Tents!”: Bassnectar just finished his epic set and that stellar brother you were dancing with all night is obviously your soulmate. Maybe it’s the Molly mixed with that mushroom chocolate, but when you look into his eyes you know you have found your Festival Hipster King and ultimate fire dancing duo partner for your performance troupe. The vibes are high, the chemistry off the hook, and the love mutual… so you go back to your tent to fuck and fall in love. Festival sex is intense, but keep your head on straight because once you both sober up and go back to your day jobs in different cities you may not feel the same vibe as when you first met on the dance floor with sparkle ponies in your eyes.

heart  Practice Radical Honesty and Disclosure: Sometimes Festival Sex is simply meant to be a delicious one night stand, but only if both parties are on the same page. If you are a polyamorous DJ rockstar on tour with your wife and baby back at home, disclose this information from the get go before the two of you get hot and heavy. She may be seeking her true love partner for life and is falling in love with you, only to find out after you take the condom off that you are already spoken for. Remember, you are both most likely high as fuck, so take care to communicate clearly before your clothes come off or your message may get lost in translation as you eat her out.

200134057-001heart  Remember that a Yes can always turn into a No a moment later: You had the consent talk and now you are both plowing away in a naked Tantric Twister Party in your tent. She is completely on board with the festival hook up, considering she was the one that initiated it in the first place, but when you reach for the condom after the killer blow job you just received she suddenly changes course and tells you to stop. Or maybe you are the dude in this scenario and those ten Pabst Blue Ribbons you drank earlier is coming up your esophagus for an untimely visit and you are the one who needs to stop the action full halt, but your horny festival Goddess wants you to finish the deed. Remember that NO means NO, even if it was a YES just a moment ago. You can always try again on Sunday afternoon when you are both sober.


READ: Date Rape, Ruffies, and How I Became a Sacred Sexual Healer


 

Ladies, Tips on How to Avoid Potential Festival Rape Situations:

article-2736228-20db836e00000578-196_964x634heart  If you are going to run around in a G-string and pasties, be confident in setting strong boundaries: Festival culture sets the stage for radical self expression, which often for women means putting on the sacred sexy-sexy burner chick vibe. There is no shame in flaunting the festival sex pot Goddess that you are, but be aware that this will bring on unwanted sexual advances from horny guys peaking on ecstasy. Be confident in setting strong boundaries on the dance floor or in cuddle puddles if someone violates your personal space without permission. Be FIRM in your “no thank you” and walk the fuck away to a safe space in public before things get heated and fuzzy lines of consent get crossed. Remember, most of these guys are tripping balls so you may need to make things crystal clear with your NO’s and remove yourself quickly.

passed-out-drunkheart  Watch your drug and alcohol intake: Music festivals are a great place to trip out and party with your friends for the weekend, but it is your responsibility to watch your own sobriety. Have a designated festival buddy when you go out at night who has your back and will take care of you if you get too fucked up. If you find yourself in a tent with a potential snuggle buddy you just met and you feel the spins coming on, ask him to walk you home. If he refuses and keeps making a move on you, remember that there are dozens of people in the tents surrounding you who would jump at the opportunity to escort you safely back to camp. Scream “HELP” if you must, they will hear you! And no matter how alluring the offer may be, don’t take drugs from strangers.

heart  If you are festival raped, get support:  Even if you are unsure if it was rape, enroll others in the situation and address it right away. Gather as much evidence as you can, play by play, and take a photo of the guy and the tent/camp (he’s probably going by a playa name so the authorities may not be able to track him down based on your descriptions). Go back to your camp, find your peeps, explain the situation and ask for help. Find a festival staff member and submit a report on site if you feel this is the best action to take. Allow the community to support you so you can heal quickly and regain your power. Don’t hesitate to get support as soon as possible, or it will eat you up for the rest of your life while that douchebag will continue to run off drugging and raping young hippie chicks in his tent.

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READ: Trust is an Aphrodisiac: How To Read A Woman’s Sexual Cues in the Bedroom


 

Men, Tips on How to Avoid Potential Festival Rape Situations:

kgv2hhmheart  Always ask permission before you touch: This should be a no brainer, but when was the last time you asked a girl if you can kiss her? Permission to proceed with an intimate encounter not only builds trust, but opens up the conversation for a polite yes or no to follow. Can I dance closer to you? May I take off your shirt? How do you feel about us having sex tonight? What are your expectations afterwards? Even if it is an obvious HELLS YES, ask anyways and see where that may lead your sunrise romp in the chill tent as the drugs wear off. And as I mentioned before, be prepared that a “yes” a moment ago may suddenly turn into a “not right now”. Respect boundaries and practice consent!

heart  Watch your drug and alcohol intake: Do you notice a pattern here? If you are drunk as a skunk or fucked up on drugs your inhibitions and ability to communicate clearly are altered. This is a good time to keep your dick in your pants, brothers, or you may find yourself confronted the next day by a gang of rent-a-cops accusing you of rape. You may not have known that your festival Goddess was totally whacked out of her mind on Ketamine last night and may not remember the incident clearly when she said “yes” to you because really she was talking to a vision of a Unicorn offering her a popsicle. Protect yourself and do not have sex with drugged out chicks. And be careful offering her your own party favors, because if she has been drinking a bump of K may send her into a coma. Shag and party safely, my festival bros, and protect your sisters.

10835020_10153015750417326_3092523573880925044_oheart  Spend more time in men’s empowerment workshops: A wonderful co-creation of the Transformational Festival Community is the workshop tents. Instead of day tripping or sleeping off your hangover, invest your time in taking workshops and educate yourself on male sexual empowerment. Build community with your conscious brotherhood of spiritual warriors. Have powerful conversations with festival brothers you witness taking advantage of women, step the fuck up, and call them out. If you or one of your brothers is accused of festival rape, humble yourself and sit in council and take responsibility for your actions. Many brothers have no idea they crossed a line of consent, especially if they were fucked up on drugs, so they need support and education more than ever. Be a part of the solution!


My theory is this: I highly doubt most Hipster Dudes run around festivals with the intent to rape, or that Sexy Burner Chicks are prancing around in their underwear and feather headdresses with the intent to get raped. Yet when you mix drugs with a highly sexed free spirited situation, like at a weekend music festival, the lines can easily get blurred.

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If a woman comes out of the closet with her festival rape story, hold space, listen compassionately, and trust in her. Sexual violation sucks, even if she was the one that initiated it with her flirtatious invitation into her tent. There is NO reason any person should push past sexual boundaries for their own erotic jollies. Rape is rape.

If a brother gets ousted for festival rape, hold space, listen compassionately, and guide him with fierce love. Sending someone to jail may not solve their core issue. What is needed is community education on sexual consent so that we all can consciously play by a set of basic festival sex rules where all parties can feel safe… and get laid appropriately!

Men need mentoring and support from their brothers more than ever, especially for the guys that may be unknowingly pushing themselves onto sexy festival chicks that do not know how to say no because the Molly feels so good in the moment. Be our warriors, brothers, and hold the line!

heart With Love,

www.scarletamor.com

P.S. Sisters… Would you like support with healing from sexual trauma and trusting in love again? Check out my Empowered Women in Love Program!

  • Sheva Rachel Sureya

    Wow. that last photo of the kissing couple is definitely me and a man I met that hour and am still friends with 7 years later. Not quite sure it fits your article

    • Wow Sheva, your love has gone viral! Of course your story fits the article… of festival love and healthy consent that lead to a seven year friendship! <3

      • shy car

        Kind of invalidating her feelings no?

        • Sheva, do you have a request for me to remove the image?

          • Consent Police

            Ohh the irony! A story about sexual consent is marred by lack of photographic consent!

          • Point taken, Consent Police! Photo was removed hours ago.

  • jenlynn7777

    I hate rape of any kind and love that you are calling attention to this, but I find your reference to woman rapists as “festival sluts” off-putting. A man is just a rapist but for a woman to be a rapist (of a man), she’s a festival slut? What exactly is a festival slut? Someone who likes to hook up at festivals. And does that same terminology apply to men? I’m sure this wasn’t your intent but it sounds a lot like buying into the stereotypes I imagine you are fighting against.

    • I write all my articles with a blend of sarcastic parody and raw harsh truths, hence the crude stereotyping to make a point. While the focus of this piece is on the 90% of sexual assaults that happen with a male as the rapist, I made a point to note that once in a blue moon there are reports of drunk/drugged up party girls pushing “slutty” unwanted sexual advances onto men, sometimes to the point of assault. I write from my own experiences or from what I have learned from my clients or community, so that topic was not the focus of my article.

  • Liberty

    How about don’t get high or drunk and don’t have sex outside of wedlock. Problem solved. The End.

    • I wish it was that easy, Lady Liberty! Unfortunately that is not what is happening at music festivals, so now there are other problems to address. If certain Catholic priests can’t handle those terms and conditions, what makes anyone think a bunch of young horny rave kids can?

  • Leslie

    “If a brother gets ousted for festival rape, hold space, listen compassionately, and guide him with fierce love. Sending someone to jail may not solve their core issue.”

    So we should “hold space” for men who violate women at festivals and not report it to the authorities? This is terrible advice and could potentially encourage women who have been assaulted to remain quiet. This sentence is telling victims that the man’s feelings and “core issues” are more important than autonomy over their own bodies.

    • Leslie, allow me to clarify. Many of the festivals have trained teams of staff members to address crisis situations that happen during the event, such as sexual assault. Before jumping to going to the cops (which often can be traumatic to a rape victim who may chose to not take that route), the community can offer mediation and support those in question. Instead of allowing an accused perpetrator to walk away, they can “hold space” and confront the person with counciling to address the issue at hand. Creating community intervention with the accused in NO WAY suggests that his/her “core issues” are more important than supporting the victim! It is a victim’s choice to press charges and that should never be forced onto her/him. And if the accused has run, the victim can still get support from the festival community instead of keeping it to her/himself and facing the issue alone. Hope this helps you to understand my comment?

  • Chelsea Lynn

    Thank you for writing this post and adding your thoughts to the discussion. It’s a sensitive topic and you’ve created a thoughtful post that adds in a bit of humor to lighten the discussion.
    There are a couple points of interest for me in this post that I believe are worth noting. First, sexual assault of men is more under-reported than of women, so it is very difficult to accurately say it doesn’t happen as often. Plus, our culture applauds men who hook up, so many men don’t even consider what has happened to them as assault, even if they don’t feel great about it. In order to remove the heterosexual male-perp, female-victim trap, consider creating a different gender or gendered relationship for each of the assault situations you present. At the end, as you’re giving tips for avoiding assault, you can keep those gender neutral and you can even keep them perpetrator and victim neutral.
    On the tips you give your readers, it is far more important for perpetrators to know what consent is and how not to assault. Putting that information first seems better than the ways victims can stop assault. However, I do think what you’re saying about boundaries and substance use is important. Other points you can add would be community members looking out for each other.
    Lastly, there’s one thing that, while very minor, it’s very important. You say the “Burner Chicks are prancing around in their underwear and feather headdresses.” As a Burner, I can tell you that Burner Chicks are not prancing in feather headdresses because it’s offensive. Perhaps the wearer of a headdress is ignorant of the cultural significance and cultural appropriation or they are insensitive. Whatever the reason, our community does not tolerate it. One woman I know, a burning man virgin, wore a feather headdress this year at the burn and she was shamed by multiple people in a short time. Wearing a ceremonial headdress as a fashion statement or costume is disrespectful and the burning man community does not condone it.

    • Chelsea, thank you for your thoughts! I wholeheartedly agree with what you have shared, and here are a few of my responses…

      In regards to gender, perhaps you missed my PSA note at the beginning of the article?

      “Note: I pose this article based on a heterosexual scenario where the perpetrator is a male and the victim is a female, primarily because this is the most common combination reported, and it fits my own personal experiences. But this dynamic can also occur with same sex couples, often between two men where one sexually violates the other, and in rare cases where women have sexually violated men, so take everything into consideration regarding gender in this conversation.”

      As a writer it is very confusing to have to put gender neutral language throughout an entire article, as it very hard to read fluidly. So I made the PSA to avoid this grammatical issue. The most common situation is a woman being assaulted by a man, which was also my own personal experience, so I posed the main article with that gender orientation.

      The other point I wish to clarify is your comment: “As a Burner, I can tell you that Burner Chicks are not prancing in feather headdresses because it’s offensive.” While some of us Burner Chicks get the whole cultural appropriation conversation around Native American War Bonnets, I guarantee you that there are still plenty of “Burner Chicks” running around festivals who have missed that PSA announcement!!!

      Wouldn’t it be amazing if more festivals put time and energy into a bold PSA announcement on their websites around Sexual Assault as they do around fashion awareness? http://lightninginabottle.org/headdresses-at-lightning-in-a-bottle/

      We all can pick our own battles, and mine is around sexual assault at music festivals.

      • Chelsea Lynn

        I did, in fact, read your disclaimer about using the hetero-normative, man-perpetrator/female-victim language in your post. I am also a writer, and I think that you could have written a very successful article that does not play into those stereotypes. It is my personal opinion that you could have seamlessly created an article that is not hetero-normative and shows that rape is not just a male on female crime. It isn’t, so why underscore those stereotypes?. As members of the conscious community, we have to do our best not to play into the default norms and stereotypes of default society. We have to be the leaders in creating a more conscious world and we’re not going to do that by playing into old standards of thought.
        I agree with you that there are people (men and women!) who are still wearing war bonnets as fashion/costume-wear, but I think including that in your article gives the reader the impression that you are condoning it. As writers, we make deliberate choices. Why would you choose to include something offensive? Or are you mocking the culture you claim to be part of? I am not trying to derail your argument, but show you that this detail is offputting.
        I also agree COMPLETELY that festivals need to do MORE to raise awareness around consent and teach people what consent is, how to obtain it, and how to create consensual play. This is a point that you omit from your article. Perhaps it’s even worthy of its own article. I have been to the burn and many festivals around California this year and I saw the festivals had workshops and booths set up to raise awareness about consent and create conversations around the issue. But I agree with you — they need to do more. And maybe that’s where the conversation needs to go. How do we get the creators of these festivals to spend more energy on this issue? I would say that your article is part of it. Creating the conversations is vital. That’s what you’re doing here and I believe people are engaging with you in this conversation — that’s fantastic! And again, I applaud you for taking on this issue. It is so important and the more we can expose people to ways they can create consensual sex, the better.

  • Alexandra Morgan Coffin

    I really appreciate reading ANYTHING on this topic. I swear, I spent years kicking and screaming over this in what seemed like a vacuum.

    There is a key point I feel like you’re missing: not all women want to report their assault, and for good reason. I ran a feminist camp at a festival for three years, and I was appalled at the way the security team was handling reports of sexual harassment and assault. It took me three separate attempts of addressing it with the board of directors before I even got so much as a facial reaction from someone. Plus, festival culture places a high priority on self-policing, and sometimes that means that perpetrators are downplayed and not held accountable. It’s done in the name of love and forgiveness and all, but I have firsthand seen those people repeat the same behaviors–on ME.

    Encouraging women to take photos and collect evidence and reach out for support is cool and all, but a lot of festivals have a lot of work to do before reporting is a sure way of getting justice. In the meantime, survivors of festival rape should not be led to think that they handled it the “wrong” way. There is no wrong way to handle a situation in which we had no choice to be in.

    • I agree with your point, Alexandra!! I posed my own ideas and thoughts on the matter of reporting assault and bringing awareness that the festival staff does have systems in place to address it, but clearly there is no one solution that will fit each unique situation. I’ve had several other women comment on this topic and am looking deeper into a community solution. But in my own humble opinion, I feel that getting support on ANY level (even if it is just self-policing) is better than remaining silent and carrying that wound of sexual assault on your own.

      Thank you for your efforts with your Feminist Camp… this is the progress that we need! My hope and prayer is that as this blog goes viral, the festival producers are taking note and will begin to address this on a higher level. Yet it will take the community as a whole to put these pieces in place, not just one outspoken chick (me) with a blog post and an amazing sister like YOU who is already taking action in her camp. But at least the conversation has begun!

  • Eowyn Gatlin

    Do you have any idea how little you know or understand about rape? Did you know based on this blog that your grasp of rape and it’s impact on both an individual and macro level is almost nonexistent.

    I’m assuming you don’t and I’m assuming you wrote this with what you consider the best intentions. However, despite your intentions I feel compelled to explain a few thing to you. First let me tell you a little bit about myself. I’ve been going to festivals for 15 years and feel the connections I formed at them helped save my life when I was younger. I am a licensed mental health therapist and a community faculty member at a college. I frequently provide training and consultation to other therapists on working with sexual trauma and PTSD, I am also a rape survivor and have PTSD. So now that you understand where I’m coming from, I need to explain a few things that hit me while I read this.

    1) When you wrote “a girl’s party drink gets ruffied and she wakes up finding herself being fucked behind the porta potties” You should have said “raped” not “fucked”… there is a big difference. (Picture this happening to you as I describe it, thinks of how your body and soul would feel.. ) You wake up and someone is inside of you, jamming himself into the most vulnerable sacred space in you body. It smells like shit everywhere-because you are by a porta-pottie. You are incapacitated by fear and a drug-your heart is pounding harder than it ever has, your head aches and you can’t move.. all the while someone is driving himself into you and you just want him to stop, but you’re hyperventilating and can’t get enough air to scream.. That is RAPE. Not getting fucked. No ambiguity there. Now I think you were trying to be humorous or causal but is sounded flippant.. not actually sure why you put it that way. But I’ve know several women who have had similar experience and referring to the horror of being drugged and raped as “getting fucked” is insulting. Seriously, I get you wanted a lighter tone.. but really?

    2) Your advice about reporting rape at the festival is way off base. Yes it should be reported and often security is where you have to start, but at that point all security should do is call the actual police and hunt the guy down and detain him until they get there.(and while I don’t like calling cops to festivals this type of situation warrants it) So you wouldn’t submit a report to festival security and talking about it in too much detail to festival security could compromise an actual police investigation. Also having a bunch of high asses at the crime scene collecting evidence and taking pictures is a terrible idea.. think about it for a second, like for real.. actually think about the advice you gave. Only 35% of rapes are reported to police and of those less than 18% end in a conviction. That means that less than 5% of men who commit rape are ever convicted, so it is imperative that women are treated appropriately when they report and that well intentioned do gooders’ don’t fuck it up by playing junior detective)

    Also a rape that occurs at a festival isn’t going to be healed and made better if one simply “Allow the community to support you so you can heal quickly and regain your power.” The victim is still in shock for weeks and sometimes months or years after being raped. The shame and disbelief about what just happened to her and it’s impact will take time to face. Picture yourself after being raped by that reeking porta-pottie, you feel disgusting, ashamed, exhausted, terrified, and guilty your vagina hurts, you’re worried about getting pregnant or and STD.. all you would really want is to get the fuck out of there and be safe again.. but you won’t actually feel safe for a long, long time. Rape is a crime of power not sex, and some piece of shit just took yours and the process for getting it back won’t happen quickly no matter how many hugs you get.. also you probably don’t want a hug at that moment, especially from people who are not close to you.

    Every single victim I have treated in my career and many of the women I know who have been raped, will severely minimize it during those initial weeks or months. That’s why many don’t reports. They will often tell themselves and their friends that it wasn’t a big deal or deny how it impacts them. Odds are even your friends who have been raped and talked to you about it, were minimizing it’s impact, most likely sensing that, through no fault of your own, you did not have the capacity to hold space for them.
    Minimizing is a survival mechanism that helps people reach a safe enough place to process. Not just physically safe but all the other kinds too. Right after a rape is absolutely not the time for advice from strangers or even many well intentioned friends. Implying that you can “heal quickly and regain your power” if you open yourself up to support shows a total lack of understanding for the complex nature of surviving rape.

    3) You’re comment on holding space with fierce love is very misguided. You state that reporting it won’t resolve his “core issues” and there is a clear implication in this statement that reporting it won’t solve anything. I’ve already gathered that you know very little about the experiences of rape survivors. I am also assuming that you do not have a clear grasp on the barriers to reporting. You want to know what one of the biggest barriers to reporting is? Shame and guilt. Often times victims blame themselves “if only I hadn’t been drinking” or “I should have cried more during it, then he would have know I wanted him to stop”-I’ve heard this so many times in my practice. Women have been socialized through rape culture to minimize their own suffering and blame themselves.

    Often times women are talked out of reporting by mutual friends they share with the rapists (even at festivals, most often the rapist is acquainted with the victim). So now picture yourself after the porta-pottie rape, lets say the rapist was a guy your friend knows and you were brave enough to tell your friend and they of course go to his guy friends, who are also your guy friends. Now instead of the support you imagined you have a bunch of bros who are like “no don’t report it won’t solve anything, you were both fucked up, and he didn’t mean it. I mean you were all over him last night and besides. We are holding space for him and resolving his core issues.” mostly likely they will then say something about how ” I’ve know him, he would never do it on purpose.. blah, blah, blah broshit”

    Instead I wish you would have advised them to support the victim, encourage their bro to come talk to the police if he really didn’t do anything wrong (despite popular opinion, false convictions for rape and extremely rare.. that why you hear about them when they happen). You could have instead said. “It may be hard to believe this about your friend and you may want to make up excuses or blame the victim. But the truth is your friend may have core issues you are unaware of and that are beyond your capacity to help him through, the best way to help your friend is to encourage him to get professional help and hold him accountable”

    There were many more things I could have pointed out, but I’m assuming few people will have even read this post of mine and these were my top issues. Obviously people read your blog, and since you have the ear of so many you also the power to influence people and maybe even help them. Please be more diligent in doing your research and about your advice on issues like this in the future. Again I acknowledge that you were well intended with this and hope you take this feedback to heart and use it as a learning experience so that you can handle these things better as a writer and as an advocate in the future. Thank you for reading my comment it you made it this far.

    • Chelsea Lynn

      This is the kind of high dialogue we need around the subject of rape. So much of this article perpetuates rape culture and spreads misinformation. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with readers.

  • As I am sorting through thousands of Facebook shares and responses on this article, I am finding a pattern where many of my sisters who have been sexually assaulted are very triggered by this conversation and become defensive and even attack me, the author, because this is a very painful topic that is not talked about opening in society. I opened the wound with this public article, and as crazy as it has been for me personally, I have no regrets for starting the conversation with my standard sarcastic yet on point writing style that will ruffle feathers and inspire others to speak up.

    Yet I personally, as a woman who has been sexually assaulted many times, have a deep understanding of why my sisters are so heated, because we are the ones that have experienced the butt end of this tender situation, faced blame and ridicule, guilt and shame, and still carry the wounds of sexual assault that is not easily healed in one conversation.

    I also note how many men are getting attacked in this conversation. I just ask my brothers to take it all with a grain of salt and understand why we are so heated, because getting raped sucks and there is very little support out there for the victims.

    Noting the power of this conversation, I will follow this up with more articles on my platform, but I have a strong request for the community (both men and women)… please share your own story and perspectives and write your own blogs or videos, as I personally cannot carry the responsibility of being the voice of everyone’s personal journey or opinions. Together we can create a movement if we all begin to speak up, for I trust in my heart we all are aiming for the same solution of healing, prevention, retribution and resolution on this matter. Please tag me if you are as brave as I am to speak up!!!

    • Chelsea Lynn

      First, I want to again applaud you for writing this article and adding your voice to the conversation surrounding rape and sexual assault. Especially, thank you for writing about rape at festivals. It is not talked about nearly enough and the community needs to be more aware of it and work to stop it.

      I must also say, I am deeply saddened by your official response to people who are critical of this article.

      Claiming that those who are critical of your article are only critical because they are triggered is truly off point. You are essentially claiming the only reason you are receiving pushback from readers is because they are overly, uncontrollably emotional and unable to think or process clearly. From what I read on this page, the critical voices are responding to the areas of your article that perpetuate rape culture and/or spread misinformation.

      Please continue to write on the subject, but please also familiarize yourself with the current research and discourse around rape and rape culture. You have a platform and an audience. You have the ability to create positive change if you can stop seeing yourself as an expert and actually provide your readers with sound advice while using the current discourse and pedagogy.

      Rape, sexual assault and sexual harassment should never happen to anyone. It’s tragic, senseless and unfair. Your experience, however, does not qualify you in healing and prevention.

      Yes, you are courageous for speaking out. And I have been witnessing wonderful conversations as a result of people reading your flawed article. Your bravery, however, does not exempt you from criticism. This article went viral and people who are well-versed in the discourse and therapy profession read your article and are correcting you and guiding you. Every writer should be so lucky to have readers that care enough about the subject to engage with the material.

      Again, please continue writing on this subject. I’m sure you have a lot to add to the on-going conversation. For the greatest benefit of our community, please do the most good; please bring yourself up to speed with the current discourse and research.

      Best of luck.