Facebook Crushes, Friend Requests and The Case of “Love At First Sight With a Profile Thumbnail”


Facebook crushes. Surely we have all done it at some point in our modern social networking lives: Develop a fanciful infatuation based on someone’s Facebook profile. Secretly stalk their page at the wee hours of the night and create marriage vows in our head based on a touched up photo or alluring status update they posted. A virtual romance sourced on a hopeful fantasy that this person might actually, finally, be “The One.”

Is it healthy? On one hand our crush can serve as a muse to inspire us to be a better person, just as a real budding relationship encourages us to step up our game. Hopeful romance as a path of personal evolution! But the other side of this elusive game can lead us into an unintentional black hole of illusion, false projections and utter disappointment. Be careful!

There was one Facebook crush in particular that has held my heart in limbo since I first discovered him online. The comment he made on the post I put on a mutual friend’s wall didn’t matter. It was my heart leaping into my throat that grabbed my attention when I saw it. Love at first sight with a profile thumbnail!

Of course I immediately clicked over to his page. There was an ambiguous cover photo and *gorgeous* profile picture that sang love songs to my soul, with a choir of angels taboot. But all the other photos were hidden from public access. And wall posts private. So the only other option was to click on his info section and hope my investigation would come up with some results.

Step One: Search for his relationship status.

OMG! Single!!! My heart is literally racing right now. Wait a minute, double check to see if he is interested in women or men. Sometimes the cutest guys are actually gay (which do make for the best-est of friends, but pointless to pursue in these matters of the heart). Oh goodie, he is into women. God’s gift to humanity. Thank you.

Step Two: Investigate personal website links.

Yes, his business URL is listed here. Self-employed. That could mean anything. Gonna check it out anyways. Open apple click to open in new window. I’ll look later.

Step Three: Read up on his “About me, inspirational quotes and interests.”

Heavens to Betsy, this one has written a novel of information! As I devour each word my entire body is tingling from head to toe (affirmation chills). He uses unfamiliar linguistics to describe himself and philosophy of life, but as I decode his language *I think* he is making a list of every single quality I seek in a man. Oh dear. I will come to back read this again. And again.

Step Four: Check his mutual friends.

Does he have thousands on his list? Is he a “hot woman collector”? Anyone in common? If the list is large, “mutual friends” is up for interpretation. The thirty friends we do have in common are ALL HOT WOMEN I know. No dudes. Red flag? Or hit up my girlfriends and do some first hand investigative research? Maybe some of them have already dated him and can give me a heads up before I fall completely in Facebook love with him. Mental note: ask the girls for a referral next time I see them.

I don’t need any more convincing. His profile photo alone is cupids arrow pointing straight at my heart with him looking directly at me with “those eyes” that I will wake to every morning in bed for the rest of my life. It is as if the image of this man has stepped right out of my journal and manifested in all his Facebook glory. The man of my dreams!

Enough of this. Friend request! A private message along with the request is the proper way to grab my future lovers attention. In my intoxication I write something stupid and press send before I can doubt myself.

Next comes the long waiting period. The anxiety of watching for that notification update that “Mister Dream Come True and Scarlet Amor are now friends and soon to be In a Relationship!” And so I waited, for days, and then a week…until one Monday morning when I least expected it his gorgeous icon showed up in my notifications. “Friend request accepted!”

My palms were sweating when I clicked over to his page with full access to his Facebook life. Profile photos first. OMFG! Dream. Come. True. Oh. God. Almighty. Is. This. Man. For. Real? I know I should not base my assumptions on a photo, each one as heart melting as the next, but it is too late. I am 100% infatuated.

I dive on in. Wall posts. Notes. Photos. Videos. Poetry. Artwork. A wealth of information about this man’s life. Or at least what it appears to be? I completely forget common sense that good looks and well versed words can be deceiving. Instead I allow the fantasy to take hold and cast a spell on me, only looking for what I want to see, pieces of a puzzle fitting into the image of true love I have woven in my minds eye. A total illusion. And I’m hooked.

Any reasonable advice I would give a client or friend in my situation flew out the door.

When we build up a colorful fantasy in our mind we can pretty much guarantee disappointment in the end. No one can live up to the expectations we create in the madness of our romantic imaginations! And trust me, I had developed quite the fancy for this one in particular.

I did my best to be reserved and only liked a post or photo of his every few days in hopes to grab his attention. Everything he wrote was written directly to me, so it seemed, spoken straight from the reflection of my own heart’s longing for my perfect match. Ridiculous as it sounds, I waited to post a love song on my wall or a thoughtful romantic musing until I saw he was online in hopes that he might catch it in his news feed and know it was really written for him.

And it worked. When his dreamy icon first showed up in my notifications with a comment I literally fell off my chair! I was already naming our children at this point.

A few days later my Dream Man posted on his Facebook status that he is “In a Relationship” with another woman. Stunning she is in the photo of them together. Looks like true love. He has found his match. Game over. I actually cried over it.

I now understand why we call it a “CRUSH!”

Lesson learned. My crush has served as my muse in dreaming of perfect love and infatuation, offering me a guidepost to rise up to meet that image of myself as the perfect mate. While the fantasy has inspired me, it also has made me unavailable to experiencing real love in the flesh. I was living in a dream.

What a gift my crush has offered me! Thank you, my sweet handsome Facebook friend. Now if we actually do meet in the flesh some fateful day we can begin from scratch.


Online Dating Coaching for MenI offer online dating coaching and dating website profile makeovers for successful men who are seeking their ideal match online.

Your ideal woman IS out there, and you will increase your chances of finding her if you create a compelling dating profile to attract a quality, compatible partner for a lasting relationship.

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  • pretty freakin cute and funny taboot!!! i giggled. a lot. 

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  • Why do you call it a crush or an illusion simply because he met someone he fell in love with? Maybe he was feeling the same way about you, but allowed cynism take over, just like you, and think that he should settle for someone else… or maybe he truly did fall for her, and she just happened to be in the right place at the right time and that was the only difference between her and you. The only thing that is an illusion is the assumption that simply because you fall in love with someone they should automatically feel the same way for you and with no one else but you. After all, haven’t you fallen in love quite a few times before and since then? Was it an illusion, or is the illusion in your assumption that you can only love one person in your entire lifetime, or that if he doesn’t love you, he wasn’t real?

  • Dell Conagher

    I’m just a bit skeptical about meeting someone on Facebook on the net, god knows who they are really to be honest.